I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
