There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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