ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
