He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
