The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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