Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
