fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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