Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
