He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
