i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
