Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
