You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
