I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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