Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
