yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
