So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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