Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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