i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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