her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
