I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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