So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
