I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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