Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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