Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
