I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
