: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
