508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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