I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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