I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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