just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
