drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
