at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
