i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
