just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
