May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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