I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
