There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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