I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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