Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
