Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
