sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
