dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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