shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
