New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
