Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
