Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
