I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
