There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
