What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
