I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
