Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
