he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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