Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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