Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
